It’s been a while I wrote something here. A lot has happened in my life over the past couple of months and I just give glory to God that I am still standing. I want to dwell into very sensitive topics that I know people all over the world want to read and learn more about but never want to talk. The topic for today is abuse whether sexual, physical or verbal. First I will try to get into the mind of the abuser; there are various explanations why people abuse others, one is that they were abused themselves, another is low self esteem, another is anger, bitterness, hatred, mental illness etc. As for me I cannot fathom the reason why people abuse others, however I can say almost everyone is abusive! People believe sexual and physical abuse are the worse type of abuse and everyone ignores verbal abuse. Calling someone derogatory names and hurtful names are also ways of verbal abuse so I ask before you judge the sexual abuser and physical abuser is there anyone that can boldly step forward and say they have not cursed someone out as some point in their lives?
Now to the mind of the person being abused. What exactly makes people stay in an abusive relationship and some even end up being killed by the abuser?
All that keeps coming to my mind is loving oneself. If you dont love yourself you will tolerate however terrible way people show love to you and even inflict pain on others as an abuser. The commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves is HUGE!!! If you dont love yourself you cant love others its as simple as that and you end up being an abuser or a victim of abuse.
I woke up this morning with Shola Ama’s song “I still believe”- “Ive been told a million lies, I’ve been left alone with a broken heart but I still believe in love”…. Right now thats how I feel. There are many liars, cheats and everything! You name them but there are still nice people out there. I cant judge people for giving up on love but being lied and cheat on is not a good reason. Love and marriage are ordained by God. God Himself showed us the ultimate example of love by sending his only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. If Jesus had looked at the way He was treated, He wont go ahead and still die for our sins. They lied against him, betrayed Him, cheated Him, humiliated Him! So I ask what have you gone through that you want to give up on love. What to do is stop going to the same wrong place to find a mate. Renew your mind first, work on your self-confidence, keep doing good and the right person will come. You attract what you are like. So whether the person is an abuser, liar or cheat, it has a huge impact on the way you are. What attracts you is what you respect. This is why it is essential to renew yourself first before finding love.
wow!!!! Its been a while I posted something here, I guess I’ve been busy with everything life has to give us. I’ve learnt a lot in life and I’ve come to the conclusion that no one really loves you but God and yourself. Isaiah 49:15 says “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Which means even a mother who has so much attachment to her child will still care about herself than her child. Therefore, never rely on any man for anything because you will only be extremely disappointed. I had to learn the hard way but thank God I’ve learned. God is the only one that will never fail or disappoint
The bible says love your neighbor as you love yourself. This means that if you don’t love yourself you cannot love your neighbor because there is really no love to give to your neighbor. It is important that we as men and women really need to know ourselves, love ourselves before we think of complicating and interfering with another person’s life. You really to know who you are in Christ before considering going into any kind of relationship. Also, if you know who you are in Christ there will be many things you won’t take from anyone. As Royalty, you cannot afford to be treated like trash, a prince is never stood up, disrespected, unappreciated or undervalued. Once you can see yourself as part of God’s Royal family, you have reached a place that you truly know who you are. I look at myself as the daughter of the Most High God. Any man I meet I know for sure I am an asset to his life and if he cannot step up to me then that’s his loss. I will never cry over spilled milk or let a man destroy me emotionally. I am too precious to God to let a man destroy me. Therefore, folks, know yourselves very well, love yourself unconditionally before you decide to go out there to “love” someone
His last words were “You will never find anyone else like me” Who said I want to find anyone like you. You were selfish, insensitive, ungrateful, disrespectful, arrogant- these were the response my dear friend gave to her ex-boyfriend. It was pretty hilarious to me but I can definitely see where she is coming from. Some men think once they leave a woman that is the end of the woman’s life. Oh Pls! In life men need to know that they are not irreplaceable so maybe that will make them act right because guess what guys while you SCREAM at your woman,there’s a man wishing he could talk softly in her ear…while you HUMILIATE,OFFEND and INSULT her,there’s a man flirting with her reminding her how wonderful and beautiful she is.while you HURT her,there’s a man wishing he could comfort her.while you make your woman CRY there’s a man stealing smiles from her. Who are you that you think you are God’s gift to women. You better guess again. Act right!! Love your women as Christ loves the church.
I woke up this morning with a very annoying message from someone that wronged me to the core. It hurts the more every time I hear from the person. Its like the person has no remorse for what the person did and to make matters worse the person blames me for it. How ridiculous is that? However, I started thinking that I have clearly forgiven this person I believe so why am I still upset the person has no remorse. Why do I keep remembering what the person did anytime I hear the person’s voice or even hear the person’s name. I figured that maybe I haven’t forgiven the person or perhaps I have forgiven but haven’t forgotten. As a child of God, it is important to follow Christ’s example. His word says” when we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse our righteousness” but what do you do when the person doesn’t even confess or even think they did anything wrong. When you wrong someone is it really the person’s fault if they are mad at you? Isn’t it up to you to try to mend the relationship? Unfortunately this is not how people are. They wrong you but still justify their actions and even blame you for it. What then can you do as a Christian? Does the bible really talk about forgiving and forgetting? I have searched the scriptures intensely and it talks about forgiveness but only mentions that God forgives and forgets our sins. Does this mean that Humans do not have the capability of forgiving and forgetting? With all this said, after a deep understanding of the issue of forgiveness, I believe it is possible to forgive and forget. Forgetting is not necessarily having the issue blotted out of our memories because after all, the Almighty God who has the best memory will not have our sins blotted out but He doesn’t use our sins against us like the Accuser- Satan. Therefore, once we are sorry for our sins, He accepts us back and doesn’t use our sins to judge or relate with us. However, sinners that don’t repent will go to the lake of fire with the devil. This brings me back to my question? Do you forgive even when the person doesn’t genuinely ask for forgiveness? Should you “cast the person into the lake of fire” like sinners that don’t repent? Unfortunately I have no answer to these questions. All I know is that forgiveness for humans is a thing you do for yourself not for the other party. Unforgiveness is like a cancer or virus that will continue to spread if it is not removed. Therefore, forgiveness is important. Can you forget too? Yes. You might have the mental recollection but you won’t feel somehow when you hear the person’s voice or even name like me. You don’t even have to remain friends with the person but your mind is free towards that person. This is really what I need to do- FORGIVE and FORGET…. So Help Me Lord
I saw a very interesting facebook post today that really got my attention- “Ladies a man has done nothing for you until he walks you down the aisle. Stop praising boyfriends!!” At first I laughed and thought to myself that is kind of harsh but as I pondered on the statement, I realized there is an element of truth in it. Ladies date men for many years, do all they can for the man but the men just date them till eternity till the lady is tired and has to leave him when she finally realizes he is not going to make her his wife. Ladies are so deeply in love that they put up comments about how they have the best man in the world, they put up beautiful pictures of them together and are just head over heels in love with the man. My question to these women is “if their boyfriends feel the same way” Does he put up your picture on his facebook? Does he put up your picture on his blackberry messenger? Does he write beautiful statuses about how wonderful you are? If the answer to these questions is No, then there is a big problem. Have you stopped to think that maybe its time to stop praising these so-called boyfriends, get real and move on with your life. Another problem I have with these guys is that really when you’ve gotten to a stage that you have a job, education and everything is going right what is really stopping you from putting a ring on her finger if you love her so much. She or her family members don’t have to push you before you decide to make her your wife. I have no problems with you dating someone and not marry the person because afterall things happen. But its very wrong to string a woman along when you know deep down in your heart you have no intention of getting married to her. Women on the other hand too need to be wiser. Protect yourself, Protect your body because after all why does he have to pay for the cow when he gets the milk for free. Respect yourself, have a little pride and dignity. Think with your head and not with your emotions.
Therefore, my rule and advise to women is that once a relationship is over two years old, if the man is not talking about settling down or even proposing to you to be his wife then he doesn’t love you enough and its time for you to step away instead of wasting time and end up stepping away when the breakup will be more damaging to you. If a man doesn’t talk to you about settling down after two years of dating then you need to leave him. I’ve met many women that have complained about how hurt they are when their ex-boyfriends that they dated for many years finds another woman and decides to marry that woman in no time. What women don’t know is that a man knows exactly what he wants from a woman the first day he meets her. If he wants to marry you, he knows, if he wants to “use” you he knows. So it shouldn’t be surprising if he finds someone else and marries that person, the truth is that he just wasn’t really that into you. So women be alert and wise. I’m not saying the man has to tell you he wants to marry you the first day he meets you because men are different but if two years into the relationship he doesn’t say anything? chances are that he is not that into you. So do something for yourself, wake up from your fantasy world and move on.
Sorry if this blog is harsh to men or women but the truth is I’m tired of women complaining about their boyfriends of many years not trying to marry them. Don’t manipulate him into getting married to you, if he wants to marry you, you really don’t need to push him, he will make all the pushes. If he doesn’t then maybe perhaps he doesn’t want to marry you so move on and stop pushing unnatural things. Its either you leave him or stop complaining or getting mad when you end up alone, damaged and broken. Men on the other hand need to stop being cowards, if you are not into her, tell her, be a man and leave her alone. Don’t be a greedy thief, stop eating another man’s fruit. It is better to be hurt when things are still fresh rather than when you are both attached to each other and everyone knows you guys with each other but deep down you have no intention of making her your wife. That in and out of itself is wrong and unacceptable.
All in all I am not against long-term relationships and I think its sweet when they actually end up in marriage. So men and women do whatever works for you but please try to be fair to the feelings of others.
ps: I always try to be fair so my next blog will be about women….. Watch Out.